2 weeks!

Amelia was born two weeks ago as of yesterday! Can that be? I have come to realize just how fast time moves when you have kids. I believe it is because they grow at such a rapid speed. I just want to take in every single second with them and not let go. I also believe that is when you know you are really loving life, when you don't want to see each second pass by.

So far things have been going really smoothly. Nothing is perfect, over the last 2 weeks Aleigh got hand, foot and mouth disease which made us have to keep her away from Amelia for a week. Breastfeeding once again didn't work out for me. With Aleigh I cried everytime I fed her, I didnt force myself to get to that point with Amelia. It isn't worth it if you aren't enjoying your baby. There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula. Aleigh did great on it and I know Amelia will too.

I am so thankful jake has been home to help me, there is no way I could have done it on my own since I still am not allowed to lift Aleigh. Aleigh and Jake are getting some great bonding time in. She is such a daddy's girl. He just has to look at her and she starts giggling. Aleigh is also in love with her baby sister. She just gets so excited when she sees her. We do keep Amelia in a different room sometimes with a baby gate so that way she can sleep and we can take a break from watching Aleigh like a hawk around Amelia. Aleigh would otherwise poke Amelia's eyes out, smack the top of her head and rip her fingers off. Haha Amelia is going to have to become a tough kid as she gets bigger to put up with Aleigh's tough love.

Yesterday we took Amelia on her first stroller ride. We went to Ko'olina which is where jake's work is located. They have a great sidewalk all along the 4 lagoons so it makes for a great walk. Its also almost completely flat so it was great for me since I am still recovering from the csection and am supposed to "take it easy"  :( I can't wait to start exercising again. Amelia did great on the walk. I am in love with our double stroller. Its a phil and teds and I love how it can convert so nobody can really see your newborn. Amelia was almost completely hidden so nobody could cough on her or touch her.

Two more weeks until Jake goes back to work. :( Us girls will miss having him around 24/7 but thank goodness Jake's mom and sister will be here to help out when he does go back to work. I still have no idea how I will do it on my own, but I am sure I will figure it out soon enough.

Never Let Go- David Crowder Band

As I sit here holding my newborn baby and enjoying watching my husband and Aleigh laugh and play a song comes on the radio-"Never Let Go" by David Crowder Band. This song was introduced to Jake and I while I was being induced with Ashtyn. I havent heard the song in years. It made me think back on the past. I was sitting here enjoying my family thinking of how happy I am. I am so incredibly happy. I have come so far over the past two years. At that time I really didnt think I would ever have kids here on earth. I thought Jake and I would be traveling the world for the rest of our lives because we wouldn't have kids. My heart always knew I would have kids and be a stay at home mom. God wouldn't have given me that need to be a mom if it wasnt meant to happen.

Over the past two years I have gotten over a lot of fears and came to trust God a whole lot more. Sadly I was forced to trust him in most of those cases, it wasnt by choice like it should have been. While pregnant with Aleigh I was trusting Him with her. I prayed constantly from 16-19 weeks that she would make it. After having Aleigh I had this annoying fear of something happening to myself. I felt like oh now that I have my dream and am so incredibly happy, something is going to happen and I am not going to be able to enjoy it anymore. Then I got pregnant. I wont lie that fear remained with me and would creep up every so often testing me, especially at the end of the pregnancy. Then when I had Amelia I was tested. All my biggest fears were happening. My water broke, it reminded me way too much of what happened with Ashtyn. Because of that I was so worried about infection. This fear was engraved in me because of the doctors from Ashtyn's pregnancy. They kept telling me how dangerous it is to get an infection from your amniotic sac being broken. So that fear came true, I got an infection. Then I had a big fear of epidurals because of all the horror stories of them. Then the fear of the baby getting stuck and possibly stressing the baby enough to cause heart rate issues, so thankful that didnt happen. Then the worst fear-a c-section. I just wanted to sink back into my happy life. But I was forced to trust God, and I did. Now I can say I really do feel complete with both my little girls and my incredible husband. I can also say I am no longer worried. God has shown me I can completely trust Him in his promises he makes.

Now as I sit here after the song has ended and I just can't get over how incredibly blessed I am all because of God. I love my family! I have come so far in the last 2 years! I will never be the same person as I was when I first heard this song just a short 2 years ago in a hospital room when I was in so much pain physically delivering a baby and emotionally losing my first and only (at the time) child. This song will always bring me back to that day but it will never have the same meaning to me.

Awake in the middle of the night

Here I am holding my newborn, Amelia, in the middle of the night, desperate to stay awake. She is having no problem with this task. She is just wide eyed and supposedly hungry even though I have been feeding her sometimes every hour.

We have now survived the first week. It really hasnt been too hard...yet. haha Jakes mom and sister are coming to help January 3rd! Right now the hardest part of having 2 kids so close in age is not being there as much with the oldest anymore. Her daddy is loving all the one on one time he is getting with her. It just makes me a little sad knowing I cant pick her up and comfort her when she needs it. I can get on the floor and cuddle with her but it v just isnt the same as being able to walk with her. This is all because of the csection though, not because of her age. Aleigh, we found out today has hand, foot and mouth disease so she is having a hard time. We are just praying it stays away from Amelia.

Aleigh is just on love with Amelia already. It has been a week and the only hint of jealousy has been lastnight when we gave Amelia her first bottle of breastmilk. Aleigh decided she wanted it and was pointing and screaming for it. I was trying to give her a sippy cup at the same time, which seemed to distract her a little. Besides from that she is constantly watching Amelia and smiling and pointing at her and wanting to touch her. Before we found out Aleigh was sick we were letting her touch her and supervising closely and Aleigh would barely poke her and then would squeal in delight. It is going to be so much fun watching them grow up together. Everyone beforehand would always warn me of how jealous Aleigh was going to be at that age, saying thats what happened with theirs, I always just said oh ok. When I asked them the age gap of their kids they would tell me 16-24 months. It was never that close to 12 months. I read lots of blogs from people with Irish twins and they said that was always one plus is there were no early jealousy issues.

Anyways, its time to take another nap :) I dont call it sleep anymore as it will probably be naps for the next several months.

Amelia Rose's birth story

I was supposed to have been induced at 9am the day of my due date Tuesday November 5th. Instead Amelia decided to come on her own, well initiate the labor anyways. This is the story.

I was starting to get all the last minute preparations for going to the hospital. At 2:30pm Aleigh got hurt from a fall I got down on the floor to comfort her and thats when I felt my water leak out. I knew that feeling, I knew it was amniotic fluid and not anything else even though it didnt rupture. Its a feeling you just would never forget when it was a nightmare from your past. Well for 3 more hours it leaked another 4 times. I called the dr. He said to go get checked at L&D. I called Jake, he came and picked me up. Once I arrived they ran a test and within a couple mins. they came in and said you are definately leaking amniotic fluid. Also they asked if I knew I was having contractions. I had no idea! Apparently they were all 2-4 mins apart. They said the contractions are so close together we wouldnt have even been able to induce you tomorrow as planned because the medicine would make the contractions too close together.

So they admitted me. Then they had to start pitocin since the strength of my contractions were not strong enough. They started it at 9pm. They never could turn the pitocin up higher because my contractions the whole time were 1& 1/2 mins-4 mins apart, so I dilated slowly. I was 2-3cm dilated at 6am. I asked for some IV pain medicine as the pain was just awful. By 8 am I was at 5 cm and the pain medicine wore off so I made the decision that I needed the epidural since I was only 5cm and had a ways to go. I asked for more IV meds while I waited for the epidural. Those wore off before I got the epidural and the second layer of my amniotic sac completely ruptured so the pain increased. The epidural itself was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The hard part was sitting still through the contractions. They then checked me again and I was at 8cm. By 11am I was at 9 cm and at 1pm I started pushing. Well the epidural they gave me was too strong. I would touch my leg and literally could not feel a thing. I couldnt feel any pressure, any contractions, couldnt even move the lower half of my body. So they turned the epidural off in hopesbi could push better. The pain then became unbearable. They were able to turn it back on just at a lower level. That was the perfect amount. Well after 2 hrs of pushing I got a fever. I broke down and demanded antibiotics after they said they werent going to give me any. After a total of 4 hours of pushing, the whole time the baby just wouldnt drop. My doctor reached in for the last hour of pushing trying to turn Amelia. Her head was not facing the way it should but it was also stuck under my pelvic bone. Everytime I would push the Dr. was able to turn her head 90 degrees but he needed to turn her 180 degrees to get her under my pelvic bone. After 4 hrs and getting an infection they decided she was going to have to come via c-section.

I was always extremely worried about a c-section. When the time came I was suprised that I wasnt too scared. I think I knew I was going to need a c-section all along. I think God was preparing me beforehand so I would be able to handle my emotions when the day came. For about a week before I went into labor I was a nervous wreck. I was thinking of all the worst case scenarios. It finally dawned on me why I was thinking all these bad thoughts. When I lost Ashtyn everything that happened was extremely rare, so the rare things are the things I would worry about. Also I was so incredibly happy with my life, I just felt like something bad had to happen I can't have an almost perfect life all the time. Well I was wrong. God wants me to have a life full of blessings , he doesnt want bad things to happen to me. Plus I realized He promised me the rainbows treasures will soon be mine. I just didnt realize it was plural with a second treasure. I was also so very wrong. My life was not close to perfect. Our family was not complete yet.

During the C-section I remember listening so closely to all the talk I just wanted to know what they were doing. I felt them moving me around a little. I was wondering if that was the pressure they always say you will feel thinking this isnt bad. Then they said here comes some pressure. HELLO! It didnt hurt at all but it felt like the doctor climed on top of my body then I felt the tug and heard Amelia cry. Our family was then complete! Then I heard some whispers about bleeding and get this medicine. Really fast I got a shot in the arm then several minutes later heard them say bleeding is fine. Then Dr. leaned over saying placenta is out. He knew I was worried about that pesky thing so that was nice he updated me. Then we got to see little Amelia. She looked absolutely beautiful just like I knew she would. She even looked a lot like her big sister. As the days have passed she is starting to look more like her own self. They had to keep a close eye on her since I did have an infection. I wasn't able to hold her for 3 hrs. She was completely ok though. God is so good! Now I have another sweet little girl I am blessed to cuddle all day and all night! It was a very difficult birth but it was so very worth it all in the end. We are in love with a little girl named Amelia Rose and our family is now complete. On to the adventures of a lifetime with our two Irish twins!